wanna go halves on a baby?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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