I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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