Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
