I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
