The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
zippers are such a cool invention
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
