Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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