Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
