oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
