We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
