3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
