Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
