You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
