When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
