He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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