your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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