Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
