DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
