At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
