i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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