I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
