Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
