Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
