i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
