just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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