Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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