Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
