I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
