don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
