im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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