pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
