Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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