My first STD was from a foam party
barbara walters just said penis...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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