If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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