We're like a lot better than the average bears
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
