you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
