im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
