I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
