you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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