Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
