So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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