he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
