1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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