Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
