there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
