matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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