Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
