Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
