Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
