Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
