Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
